Dating Comfort

It’s never easy to start dating after a failed relationship, and it’s even harder to date being a single mom. The stigma behind dating as a single mom is that you are bringing “baggage” to the relationship. This thought process has hindered many women from thinking they can have a successful relationship with a man since she already has a child.

This is a stigma that unfortunately hangs over the head of single mothers, but it doesn’t have to keep you down. It’s important to be open and honest with all the men you date and let them know you have a child. Keep in mind, I’m not saying that all during dinner you have to be talking about your kid, but a casual mention of it if asked would be the right thing do. Men usually do not like to be surprised by showing up at your house only to find that you have kids running around that he had no clue about.

It’s also important that you keep your priorities in tact. First and foremost your child should come first, so never neglect your child to be with a man. Your goal should be to find a natural balance between dating and taking care of your child. Being a single mom and dating should be taken with caution and should not be rushed into, not as a result of the stigma, but for the sake of the child. Many kids become emotionally scorned when their parents no longer live together, and as a result bringing another male figure into the picture too early, can lead to resentment from the child. This resentment is usually directed either towards you or the person you decided to date.

The above is one of the main reasons why some guys do not date single moms. This is where the stigma comes into play again. It’s unfortunate but true that some men stereotype every single mom and place them into the same pile. I’m stating this just for you to be aware of the issues you could face dating as a single mom, and the reasons why some men may stay away.

Overall, it takes patience and great timing to successfully date as a single mom. I mentioned the timing due to the importance of the aspects of knowing when to mention you have kids, when to introduce your kids, and when it’s perhaps best not to continue dating if it’s affecting the relationship you have with your child.

The idea of dating a single mother had never occurred to me a year ago, and one that was going through a divorce was even more out of the question. But when I met her, the sparks just flew. I had been single for the longest time it seemed and all of the single, available and childless women that I had dated just never ended up matching my personality.

I had actually already known who she was for about a year or so, and knew that she had a young son. What I didn’t know was that she was in the process of getting divorced. So when we meet at a mutual friends place, sparks flying, I was pretty weirded out. She then found me on facebook, of course, and started to pursue. Many things where going through my mind at this point. The sparks are flying but, what about her husband or should I say ex-husband? Is he some raving lunatic that is going to come after me guns blazing for stealing his son? Am I ready to have an instant family? Is her son going to think I’m his dad? So many questions.

Well it has now been about eight months since I started seeing her, and it seems things aren’t as bad as I made them out to be. Since the two of us actually think alike on just about everything, we have been able to talk about all of these issues and work them out. It also seems that four year old boys are smarter than I gave credit, yes, he knows I’m not his dad. But kids are impressionable, and you do have to watch what you say and do. One thing she has learned from a mandatory course, is that you can’t be trying to buy a child’s affection with gifts. You are just going to have to earn it.

Over this time she has made it known to her son that she is going to have someone else in her life, which he seems to be cool with. Her and I agreed from the beginning that he has a dad and that all I can be is his friend. But that’s all anyone can do with someone else’s child, be their friend. But, she also made him aware that I am an adult and have authority, so what I say goes too. So it’s not really like having an instant family, but more like having a new friend.

In the end I think that communication is the key. My girlfriend and I can talk about anything that is on our mind, but unfortunately, to many relationships out there end up in ruins because there is no communication. Like I said, I never thought I’d be dating a single mom, but so far, so good.

As for her ex, his is still going to be apart of her son’s life(which is very good) and she says I have nothing to worry about. Whew.

K.R. Hayden